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I've lived my life here in this room

This room that is most moist and mushy

I don't mind; it's warm in here


My room is shaped oddly

Like a potato with tendrils twisting upwards

I feel safe here


There is this odd earthquake

The entire room throbs and rattles

I feel imprisoned


I have to get out; have to find a way

To get out, out of this room

I am locked away; only there is no door


I cry and pound on the throbbing walls

Screaming my throat hoarse

But there is no answer–just that dreadful throbbing


No one can hear me; I doubt

My yells echo throughout the emptied room

No ears or eyes just numb skin–and that terrible thumping


I felt my body go limp and

There on the mushy, pulsing floor I sobbed

Too deep in your chest to be noticed –inside a throbbing room

I can't think of anything to say here in the description box, so just enjoy the poem. I do like feedback and constructive criticism, so feel free to tell me what you think and whatnot.
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:iconannikatheheathen:
AnnikatheHeathen Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013
Reminds me of the womb.
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Whoa, what an interesting and unique way of looking at it. I never thought of it like that. That's really cool. Now this poem is even cooler now that I have that thought in mind while rereading it for the millionth time. Thanks for such wonderful insight. This is why I love hearing other people's views and interpretations of things. Everyone sees things differently. This is why I love writing and literature :D
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:iconannikatheheathen:
AnnikatheHeathen Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2013
I am glad you appreciated my insight. :)
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I always appreciate anyone's view on things :)
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:iconchelseasmile75:
ChelseaSmile75 Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013
this is awesome!
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
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:iconmonicaarlene:
MonicaArlene Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Student Writer
Wow, this is amazing! I would have liked to see a bit more description of the emotion of the character, but the detail on everything else is very vivid. The whole idea is absolutely brilliant!
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. Part of me wanted to add more description but something inside me wanted to have three lines to a stanza and have seven stanzas. Thank you so much for giving feedback and letting me know what you think and what you would have liked to see more of :D
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:icontoska9:
toska9 Featured By Owner May 22, 2012
When I first started reading this piece, the image it brought to mind was of a baby in the womb.
Safe and sound, warm, odd-shaped room.....
Then, when the mood changed, I originally invisaged the baby wanting to be born. If it stayed in utero, it would eventually die. It had to come out...
but then, my imagery changed and the piece became about a heart. First, fully functioning and then becoming aware that something was wrong, leading up to the eventual heart attack.
(No, I am not on psychotropic substances... I just have a vivid imagination!)
I personally have no issues with the tone of the piece changing from happy about the room to being fearful of it.
It was easy to read and obviously I could relate to the images.
Personally, I like sparse, simple pieces without too many conflicting images. I think that a few words can describe a lot.
Thank you for sharing.
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. It means something that you take your time to comment with what you think and how my work makes you feel and think. ^^
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:iconsartosis:
Sartosis Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Student Writer
I thought this was really well written and has a creative concept.
The only problem I have is that at the start of the poem, you begin by showing a fondness of the room. For instance, 'I feel safe here' and 'I don't mind; it's warm in here.' Then suddenly you want to escape the room, which Is the opposite to feelings presented at the beggining.
I hope my comment helps :)
Overall, I really like it! :thumbsup:
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, I know it seems odd but I did it that way to reflect how at first things can seem like bliss until you begin to see that everything is really much worse. It kind of progress quickly because of the structure, I probably should have made it longer and more gradual. I don't really know why I did a tercet for each stanza, which is 3 lines. Yeah and I just looked up the correct word for the number of lines lol XD

Now I'm just rambling, anyway thinks for sharing your thoughts. ^^
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:iconsartosis:
Sartosis Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Student Writer
No, your not rambling :)

As I said it was really good, and I wish you future successes
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks ^-^ Feel free to watch me :3
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:iconkalsyangel12:
kalsyangel12 Featured By Owner May 21, 2012
lovely imagery, it's like i can see it and it's an amazing poem (:
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:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 21, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks. I'm glad that you like it and that the imagery is great in it.
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May 21, 2012
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